​With the first quarter of the year almost over, how much progress have you made toward your goals for 2023? Some of you may be dancing a jig, but most of you may be feeling a bit of despair sweeping over you. Are you ready to shrug and say, “Oh well, it can’t be done. Maybe I was dreaming too big.” Perhaps you are thinking of just throwing in the towel on those goals.   

Wait! What if Confucius is right and there is still time to take action? Don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. Research indicates that goals are not attained because we do not have an actionable, realistic plan and a support system to accomplish them.

What is distracting you? What do you need to focus on? Does the goal need to be restructured? 

If you develop a plan of action, there is still time for you to reach your 2023 goals. A coach can help you create a plan and hold you accountable. If you want to explore how I can help, click the button below. 
​

During a discussion I was leading, I complimented a young woman’s sweater that read “Be Happy” and asked the group what happiness meant to them. Was it different from joy? The discussion centered around things that give happiness: seeing a movie, receiving a surprise party or the gift of a floral bouquet. All of the things mentioned were externally driven. Then one person said, “But joy is internal. Joy comes from within us and is not dependent on outside forces.”

The poem, “Joy” by Hilda Conkling expresses this insight well. 

​If you would like to share your own thoughts and reflections, I would love to hear how you differentiate between joy and happiness.

​The new year is a time of setting personal and professional goals. But it is also a time of focusing our intentions for the coming year. For 2023, I have chosen to focus on kindness and joy. As the media constantly reminds us, quarantining and social distancing during the pandemic led to a dramatic loss of social skills in society. While it is certainly true that social isolation fed into this loss, I wonder if we have actually relegated pre-pandemic social norms to lesser importance. One of the social skills that seems to have taken the biggest hit is kindness. 

Bucking the trend, I have actually been the fortunate recipient of many kindnesses during the past year. Paying these kindnesses forward is top of mind for me. If you have you been the lucky recipient of unexpected kindness, I invite you to join me in paying it forward. Such kindnesses may have been receiving a cup of coffee paid for by the person ahead of you at Starbucks, as it was for me. Perhaps it was someone willing to give you a ride when you couldn’t drive. Or even a clerk or waitress who gave you exceptional and unexpected service with a genuine smile and extra assistance. Attending to our focus with intentionality can make the difference between taking these random acts of kindness for granted and relishing the opportunity to pass them along. 

Offering kindness to others gives me joy. So, I am committing to finding ways to offer kindness to others in 2023. Will you join me in this commitment and share in the joy I have found? With each act of kindness offered, we make the world a better place. And if you have been the lucky recipient of someone else’s kindness, I would love to hear your stories.

​During the holiday season, let us remember that the greatest gifts of all are friends and family. During the bustle of shopping, preparing, and entertaining, let us remember to share love with those who mean the most to us. And with the poet Kelly Roper, let us remember the true meaning of those Christmas presents we place beneath the tree.

“My Christmas Gift to You:”

My gift to you this Christmas
Comes tied with a pretty bow.
It's not important what's inside the box,
I just love you and wanted you to know.
​

​I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and joyful holiday season!

Best wishes, 
Carol Ann

​Appreciation—a concept so important to our culture that it has its own holiday. Thanksgiving is a time when we share our gratitude and appreciation. But what does it really mean? We glibly say thanks to one another around the dinner table. We tell our children to remember to say thank you. Is that really showing appreciation? Just what is appreciation? 

Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Like a good compliment, appreciation is not considered meaningful unless it is heartful and describes what a person has done well. Expressions of appreciation warm our hearts and give us incentive to continue. It is not only good to be grateful, it is beneficial to express our gratitude in meaningful ways. If a good compliment can sustain us for two months, just think how far meaningful expressions of gratitude can take us!

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. If you care to share experiences of being lifted up by another’s gratitude, I would love to hear how they helped you and gave you strength. Perhaps sharing will inspire us all to expand our own expressions of gratitude.

Recent events have led me to more fully embrace the importance of staying in the present. Living in the moment means no longer worrying about what happened in the past and not fearing what will happen in the future. Therefore, this month, I would like to share the following poem by Vanessa Hughes.

Living in the Now by Vanessa Hughes

What’s gone has made you what you are
So don’t fear what’s ahead
Put trust in what will be, will be
And choose to live instead
Don’t live in the now worrying
What may or may not be
Take this moment in your time
And live it totally
There’s no time like the present
Breathe deep and feel alive
Living in the here and now
Will help you rise and thrive
Now is all there ever is
It’s the only time that’s real
Let the future take its course
And leave the past to heal
​

Living in the now is more difficult than it sounds. Please share any tips you have for “Living in the Now." I'd love to hear from you!

​The fall season is just around the corner, when leaves change color, and a little nip is in the air. Seasons mark our lives, bringing new opportunities and closing others. In beautiful poetry, Ecclesiastes 3 speaks of two such seasons: a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones together. What season are you in?

Is it a time to mourn or a time to dance? Is it a time to throw stones or a time to gather stones together? Is it time to change and prepare for a new period in your life? Have you become an empty nester? Do you have time now to explore your needs and heart’s desires? Does your life feel stale? Is it time to explore a new hobby or career? Thinking of change can be daunting. How do you take the first step?

If you want to create a New Dance for your life but are finding it difficult to step out of your comfort zone, I can help you create the steps to take you where you want to go. Just click the text below. 

It’s eerie how our lives echo Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” During the height of the pandemic, many revealed in the time they were able to spend with family and the opportunity to work from home. Others, meanwhile, felt confined and anxious for things to return to normal. As a result, a general malaise settled on them, as if they were suspended in time and frozen in place. Would it be possible to move forward again? 

As we slowly exit the pandemic, the media bombards us with stories about “the Great Resignation,” inflation, even a possible recession. Workspaces look different. Is it safe to return to the office? Some like working remotely, but employers may want staff to commute. Remote and hybrid work schedules are options. Is it time to try a different path? Do I stay in my job or leave? Would it be possible to expand my role and use new skills in my current job? If I leave, would other employers want my experience and skills? Is it time to start that business I have always dreamed about? Facing these decisions can be paralyzing. It takes courage and vulnerability to make changes.

If you are feeling frozen in place and vulnerable, I can help you work through that vulnerability, find clarity and focus, and then move courageously into a life of your choosing. Just click the text below. As Lao Tsu understood: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

​Over the last few months, I have had a period of physical struggles. I heard myself saying “I’m fine” when I obviously wasn’t. It reminded me of the following reflection I wrote in 2020. Fortunately, I have a coach who supported me and helped me to recognize, AGAIN, that it's okay to not be fine and to share that feeling with others.

Is it possible that we don’t want to admit this is a really painful and hard experience?

During a recent conversation, I heard: “I’m not really doing okay, but everybody else says they’re fine.” I took a deep breath and realized I had said that exact thing to him earlier in the conversation. Truthfully, I wasn’t doing fine either. After I admitted that, we had an authentic conversation around our challenges. Why is it so hard for us to say, “I’m not doing well,” during this pandemic? Many of us are in pain. Many more are lonely and scared. Even more of us are depressed. Why is it so hard to be honest with each other?

Each day I read articles and watch television segments on the wonderful things people are doing, how we are really connecting while sheltering in place. Some describe how they are connecting by calling someone each day, which of course is a nice thing to do. I also reached out to people I haven’t talked to in a long time. While these people were happy to know that I had thought of them, the conversation never left the surface. When I tried to talk about the pain of this pandemic experience, it often made them uncomfortable.

I recently read an article on toxic positivity. Natalie Dattilo, a clinical psychologist with Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, says too much positivity is toxic. Well intentioned comments like “It will be fine” or “It could be worse” can be damaging as they stigmatize acknowledging the depth of our pain and struggles.

I am usually a positive person. In fact, positivity is one of my top ten strengths according to Gallup’s Strength Finder assessment. But I have found it increasingly difficult to keep my spirits up in a landscape where honest discussions of pain are almost nonexistent. Finding and maintaining emotional health during this pandemic will require us to find ways to move beyond superficiality and stock responses of “I’m fine” when we are clearly not. God knows we are not fine. Maybe it’s okay if others do too.